In my previous post ‘Facing Life Alone in Midlife’ I discussed the overwhelming feeling of loss and grief with the death of a spouse/partner, a relationship breakdown and divorce. I wrote about taking time to go through the process until you are ready to accept and move on with your life. If you missed the post you can click here.
Now that you are feeling stronger it is time to get back out into the world and live your life. Although being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely you do need to connect with others. That doesn’t mean you need to take up every waking moment doing things with other people or in fact doing anything.
Taking time to relax and restore your body and mind is just as important as catching up with friends and family.
Being alone can also teach you that you are capable of actually enjoying being with yourself. I read a book recently Me, Myself & I – 28 Days of Self Love where the author, Cheryl S Bridges suggested you go on a date with yourself. Take yourself to a movie or to dinner. In the past, I would not have entertained the thought of dining alone, however, now as I am older the experience is not as daunting as it once was.
Need some ideas on living your life with positivity and enthusiasm? Let me try and help!
Find your passion
Is there something you have always dreamed of doing but haven’t because it didn’t fit into your life plan? Now is the time to explore your passion and work towards making your dream a reality.
Buy a beautiful notebook and pen and write a list of all that you would like to do. It doesn’t matter how big the dream is or how small the desire is, write it down. If you don’t dream big nothing will ever happen.
Make a date night with yourself
Do something just for you – take yourself to a movie, an exhibition, the museum, dinner. Anywhere that takes your fancy. Plan each week to have one night or day to spend with yourself.
Join a social group
Do you have a hobby? Dancing, art, pottery, running, yoga? There are many groups you can join for social interaction so explore your opportunities in your area.
Online Groups
I’ve made many friends through Facebook groups. Just take care and research the group but there are many groups you can join.
Revisit Studying
Did life experiences prevent you from completing your education or is there something you always wanted to study? I know that I have been trying (badly) to learn Italian. Studying not only adds to your knowledge but it also keeps our brain active.
The way we study has changed and can be via a classroom situation or online.
We should never stop learning and this is the perfect time. I’ve just found a great free online learning website https://www.futurelearn.com/ and I’ve signed up for two courses.
Travel
Is there somewhere you have always longed to visit? Go for it! There are tours that are designed especially for solo travellers if you don’t feel comfortable taking off on your own. You might want to be adventurous and travel solo. The choice is yours. Research where you would like to go, what you would like to see. Also consider asking a close friend to accompany you. Although you need to set some ground rules so that you both have the best experience.
Put yourself out there
Now, I’m not saying you need a partner to be whole. Many people live happily single lives. However, if you are looking for companionship in the future you won’t meet anyone sitting at home. Put yourself back into life and you never know what the future holds!
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27 Comments
I have seen this happen in midlife, but not to me and I’m glad it’s not me. But this is such good advice.
No, I’m lucky too Carol but you know, I think I would be able to cope now although I don’t want anything to happen to Mike of course.
Gosh, Sue, you just hit the nail on the head with this post! I feel my life could have gone this way. I have always been active but I don’t have girlfriends that are close me to run out and do things with. When I was single (divorced) I was always the 5th wheel if I were to go out with others from church or with friends, so I kind of stopped. And no, we don’t have to have a partner but I am grateful that mine entered my life which opened up a whole new life of windsurfing, paddling, travel, etc.
I’m so encouraged by your words Terri as I never feel I’m as good with my writing as others. I know now that if I had to I could survive but I certainly don’t want to. Mike and I still have so much that we want to do together. We need to support those who are alone though and not make them feel the ‘5th wheel’.
These are all great ideas! Also for those who are caregivers, because that is exhausting and lonely.
Thanks Tam! I actually never thought about caregivers but yes that can be a lonely existence as you can’t just up and go whenever you want to.
I love the idea of a date with myself. Thank you
Yes I liked that too when I read about it Anna. It is much better than saying I’m going out on my own and alone.
I enjoy going places by myself every once in a while. You have much more time to linger without being on someone else’s schedule. Plus, you never know who you will meet. There are so many ways to stay busy and engaged. Great tips.
I think that some people just need some direction especially if they haven’t been alone before and regarded their life as being half of someone else. There is so much more to life and I think it is important to keep some independence so you don’t feel lost if something happens to your partner.
Such great tips! Date yourself! Love that one! My Mom could have used this info when she was widowed at 58. Enjoying going places yourself is so key. You don’t have to be a couple to attend a party, dinner or event. I think that was her biggest hurdle. Once she got past that, her life was so much fuller.
Thanks Ellen! Yes I liked the idea of ‘date yourself’. Your Mum lost her husband early but probably in that generation Ellen they weren’t taught about keeping independent through married life. Now I think we have a different perspective and many of us have careers which help our self-esteem as a well as our independance.
It can be hard to be alone, and these are such wonderful tips for people to be proactive and take charge of their lives!
I know Sheryl and some of us aren’t conditioned for being alone. I’ve learned through others and that is why it is so important to keep some part of you independent and self-reliant with your own interests that you enjoy.
These are wonderful ideas! Due to my job in sales, there were many times I had to eat lunch or dinner alone when I was on the road. At first it was very strange, but then I came to relish the time. I didn’t want to miss out on a great restaurant by sitting in my hotel room, so I would grab my book and go.
I suppose Lori it is just a matter of perhaps forcing yourself the first time and then you realise you can do it and it is enjoyable. Years ago it would have seemed out of place but no longer which is great.
You’ve written a really wonderful post, Sue. The advice you’ve shared is spot on for so many people today. It’s truly important to remember that we can be our own best company, no matter the circumstance. I’m sure your words will be a source of comfort and inspiration to others. All the best!
I’m fortunate Aliyah that I have a partner, however there was a short time when I was on my own. I think it is important to realise that we don’t need someone else to make us whole and we can live and enjoy life even if we are alone. Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely.
I love your article. I recently got divorced and started soul searching. You have to love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Once you learn to do this and the other things that you spoke of I don’t think you’ll ever feel lonely
Hi Shavonne, I hope you are okay as divorce can be so devastating – but you will get through it! I hope that my post will help you and thanks for stopping by to comment. Have a beautiful day.
This grabbed my eye at the Pit Stop linky. I have not lost a spouse but do suffer from loneliness within my marriage for a few reasons out of my control. AND my kids are still living at home yet gone all the time now at age 17 & 21. They soon will be gone and I will have an empty nest. SO your above list is actually the path of ideas I have been on this past year of self discovery. WHO am I outside of a wife? Who am I outside of being a mom since the young age of 19?! I am more I am discovering… I am discovering me for the first time really because I was so focused on my family since a young age. I am not afraid to be alone now yet find peace now in being with just me and doing things for ME finally. Its being a journey I am excited about!
Hi Suzie! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your feelings. I suppose we don’t consider being lonely within a marriage but yes it can happen. I wish you all the best on your journey and would love you to stay in touch and ell me how you are going. have a beautiful day.
Hi Sue,
I don’t know what women our age did before Facebook groups. I’m happy I have them.
Thanks for bringing your post to the Pit Stop last week.
Janice, Pit Stop Crew
Yes I’ve made some wonderful friends through social media Janice.
Thanks, Sue. The Pit Stop crew are making this post a feature this week. Congratulations.
Kathleen
Bloggers Pit Stop
You’ve made my week Kathleen – always at the right time. Thanks so much!
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