Health & Wellness Relationships

Why we need to be selfish – Sometimes

May 14, 2015

I know, we have all been taught to think of others and not to be selfish. Well I think it is time for someone to say that it is okay to be selfish SOMETIMES, and that person is me!

Before you start jumping up and down and saying we need to be selfless and think of others – I totally agree!

Selfish is and sounds such a horrible word and I’m not saying we should be self centred and only think about ourselves all the time.  However, there are times when we do need to be selfish, otherwise how can we expect people to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves enough to find fulfillment in our lives.

Do you feel sometimes that you are trying to be everything to everyone and perhaps not getting anything in return?

Are you trying to help everyone else and forget to help yourself?

Do you feel guilty at the thought of being selfish and thinking of yourself first, sometimes?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above, then join the club!

I believe I am basically a person who likes to make others feel good and worry about them if they aren’t.  I think most Mothers would identify with this although this feeling isn’t just restricted mothers wanting their children to be happy and settled.  It encompasses your partner, children, family and friends. I know that I am always there for them and they know that too.

If you are a ‘giver’ then it is difficult to try to think about yourself first occasionally and what makes you happy.  I know – ‘it is easier said than done’ but you have to try, otherwise you aren’t enjoying your life and this could turn into resentment which is definitely not a good thing.

Whilst it is naturally in my nature to want to do things for everyone, I am realizing that I need to start doing things for me and not ‘sweating the small stuff’.  I’ll confess now, this is not easy for me to do after 50 odd years but habits can be changed although not easily.

My daughter, became a mother a year ago and after 9 months on maternity leave went back to fulltime work.  Of course, the guilt sets in immediately!  “I am not there for my child, I am being selfish wanting a career etc, etc.”

The irony is that for years she has been telling me to put myself first and be happy and yet she is doing exactly the opposite.  Don’t get me wrong, she loves her family more than anything, however, trying to cope with a family and a full time career leaves little room for herself.  She needs to be selfish I say, and make some ‘me time’ that I keep talking about.

Schedule being Selfish

I’m not saying that you do a complete 360 and not care about anyone but yourself.  What I am saying is you need to schedule time into your life to do what makes you feel good.  This will make you happier and also nicer to be around.  You want your family to do things that make them happy, so why not you?  Surely you can schedule 1 or 2 hours out of the total 168 hours in a week!

Learn to Say ‘No’

Learn to say noThis is so difficult but you do need to say ‘No’ occasionally and guess what?  The world won’t end!  Again, I am so guilty of not doing this but by writing this blog I’m trying to teach myself to listen to what I ‘preach’.

  • Think about what you are being asked?
  • How will it impact you?
  • Is it absolutely necessary?
  • Do you really want to do it or do you just agree to ‘keep the peace’?

If you need to say ‘No’ explain why if that helps.  More than not, I find that when I say ‘No’ the answer is ‘that’s okay, it’s no big deal’ and I have wasted time worrying about saying No!

Ask for Help

ask for helpI love entertaining my family, especially at Christmas time and other major events throughout the year.  I enjoy the preparation of the menu, table decorations and themes.  However, sometimes I get busy too and then the pressure is on to do everything and at the same standard I have set previously.  I’m learning to ask for help.  I ask everyone to bring a plate and nominate what they bring.  they are more than happy to do this and it frees up my time for other preparations.  I also get to enjoy the gathering more as I’m not frazzled by the preparation.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it and don’t feel guilty about it.  You aren’t lowering your standards and you will be pleasantly surprised at the reaction.

So what do you say?  Let’s all try to schedule some time into our lives just for us.  It will be difficult at first and we don’t want to go overboard but if you find the right balance your life will be so much better.

I run with my ‘Saturday Sisters’, get my nails and hair done and give myself the occasional facial at home.

What do you do or what will you do for ‘Me Time’?

Let’s Sizzle!

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  • Reply Sinziana May 15, 2015 at 16:16

    Hello! Good post, you really are right in your words. Visiting you from Friday Blog Booster. Wish you a great week-end!

    • Reply sue May 16, 2015 at 06:59

      Thank you Sinziana for commenting and I’m glad you liked the post

  • Reply Kathleen May 15, 2015 at 21:47

    Another good post Sue. I think as long as we do it all people will let us do it. Like you say, if we ask for help we will get that too and it becomes a shared project that can bring you closer.
    Fridays Blog Booster Party

    • Reply sue May 16, 2015 at 07:00

      Thanks for your continuing support Kathleen and glad you liked the post.

  • Reply Savvy Sandwicher May 18, 2015 at 01:23

    here, here! Moms have to prioritize their own health especially before they can care for others. Well written post and happy to share!

    • Reply sue May 19, 2015 at 12:15

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! It is hard to put ourselves first occasionally however we need to look after ourselves or we aren’t good for anyone. Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply Debbie Rodrigues May 18, 2015 at 22:02

    Working out are my me-times. CrossFit is an awesome group sports, but you do it on your own, and I always run alone. I need to be alone with myself to relax and think things over.

    • Reply sue May 19, 2015 at 12:16

      Yes alone time is great. I do my thinking when I run!

  • Reply Kathleen May 18, 2015 at 22:41

    Hi Sue, I hope you enjoyed your recent ME time. This post was in the TOP 6 most clicked on Fridays Blog Booster Party #6. You will be given a special mention on Friday. Nice work.
    Remembering to leave from another page to help your statistics
    Fridays Blog Booster Party#6

  • Reply Terri Webster Schrandt May 20, 2015 at 00:44

    Great words of wisdom, Sue. I went back to work as a young mother after 6 weeks (horrible family leave back then)! Talk about guilt. Then divorcing and raising too young daughters with no $$ help, definite guilt and NO Me time. It’s amazing how time flies and now that I am semi-retired I have a lot of alone time on my hands (of course I fill it up blogging). This post is really important for women to understand.

    • Reply sue May 20, 2015 at 06:34

      Oh Terri you have written my story. I’m now semi-retired and that is the reason I blog as well. We are twins! LOL:) Seriously though it is important to try and get some balance and time for yourself so you can be a better person. Thanks for your comments.

  • Reply Fridays Blog Booster Party #7 - Lifestyle Building Blocks May 20, 2015 at 17:04

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  • Reply Evija May 20, 2015 at 18:38

    Thank you for joining our Oh My Heartsie Girl Wordless Wednesday Link Party. I loved your post and I think you have hit the nail on the head with what you said! Have a great day, co-host Evija @Fromevijawithlove

    • Reply sue May 20, 2015 at 20:38

      Thanks Evija I’m glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the opportunity to be part of the Link Party.

  • Reply Shellie Bowdoin May 20, 2015 at 22:06

    Everyone needs a time to refuel. Otherwise, you end up with nothing else to give those your love. Thanks for joining us on Oh My Heartsie Girl Wordless Wednesday!


  • Reply theartinpartyplanning May 21, 2015 at 11:22

    Such good advice!

    • Reply sue May 21, 2015 at 11:25

      thank you!

  • Reply Carolann May 23, 2015 at 05:18

    I couldn’t agree with you more! I always think of the example when you are on a plane that’s in trouble, always put your mask on first because if you don’t, you can’t help anyone else! Thanks for sharing this insightful post! Have a wonderful weekend!

    • Reply sue May 24, 2015 at 06:45

      I love this example Carolann it sums it up perfectly. Thanks for your comments and have a lovely day!

  • Reply Velaundra{at} May 24, 2015 at 11:18

    Great post and I totally agree – I have several family members that need to learn to say NO and know that it’s okay. Thanks for linking up on our Weekend Get Together!

    • Reply sue May 24, 2015 at 12:33

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post and thanks for the opportunity to link up!

  • Reply Sandy Sandmeyer May 25, 2015 at 10:37

    It’s so important do things for one’s self. I know that I tend to take on everyone’s issues forgetting to take time for my own. We often need to be reminded. Thanks for sharing this at #AnythingGoes.

  • Reply Lisa Kniebe May 27, 2015 at 12:50

    This is a great reminder to stop trying to be all things to all people, a habit I am prone to slipping into without even realising! Thanks for the tips!

    • Reply sue May 27, 2015 at 15:55

      Yes it is hard not to be that way it is something I have to work on. Glad you enjoyed the post!

  • Reply Leanne@crestingthehill June 6, 2015 at 15:00

    I love the idea of scheduling “selfish time” where you can just take a bit of me time without feeling like you’re being awful or guilty or whatever – great post Sue x

  • Reply Debbie Rodrigues June 6, 2015 at 16:37

    Thanks a lot for sharing this post on #debbieinshape, Sue!

  • Reply Mary Gilbert June 7, 2015 at 01:58

    Thanks for the reminder!

    • Reply sue June 7, 2015 at 12:13

      thanks Mary!

  • Reply Charissa June 7, 2015 at 13:20

    Did you read my mail? I definitely have a hard time getting ‘me’ time in. Sometimes, there are so many things asked of me, that I can hardly take care of my own business. I have decided that tomorrow is a ‘Me day’ by choosing to eliminate all screen time. I need a break. #debbieinshape

    • Reply sue June 7, 2015 at 13:48

      Well done you! Make sure you enjoy your Me Time and don’t feel guilty. It is hard to ‘move away from the screen’ but you will feel so much better. Thanks for commenting and enjoy your Me Time

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  • Reply Debbie-Dabble June 11, 2017 at 06:42

    Great post!! I leaned to say NO several years ago after being the “Go To” person at our church when it came to running fund raisers. I was still working full time and doing both was killing me and taking quite a physical to;;. I am much more relaxed now and have gotten over my guilt because other people picked up where I left off and have done a wonderful job. I now make some time for ME which is important since my hubby is now retired..

    • Reply Sue Loncaric June 11, 2017 at 09:51

      It sure isn’t easy to say NO Debbie but sometimes we just can’t do it all. Good for you in stepping back a bit from all of your responsibilities you have to take care of yourself. Guilt is the killer isn’t it? If we can overcome that then life will be much easier. ME time is so important so good for you! Enjoy! x

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  • Reply christine blundell April 21, 2018 at 07:47

    Great post Sue! I identify with all those feelings of guilt and being the giver, but hard to be the receiver. When self esteem is low we can become people pleasers and always put others first. I think letting go of guilt and making time for ourselves comes with age and wisdom. I have learnt the hard way that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric April 21, 2018 at 13:32

      I agree about age and wisdom impacting how we feel about ourselves. We know who we are and aren’t prepared or scared to say I won’t take second best.

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