Do you ever have those days when it just doesn’t feel right but you can’t put our finger on it? Have you ever wanted to do something and then failed in the attempt? It can be quite disappointing at the time and we can think of ourselves as failures. That is how Sunday was for me. As you may know I enjoy running and also enter quite a few fun runs during the year. I run on Saturdays with my Saturday Sisters and enjoy a social run and friendship. This year I’ve entered my usual events, ran them well and everything has been fine – until Sunday…..
I had recently run a half marathon in July and was just agonisingly short of the time I wanted to run it in. Now, everyone who knows me, will tell you that of course ‘Sue will try to get that time and keep trying until she gets it’. (I also understand that most people don’t understand the way runners think – and most think we are crazy!)
It was with this determined attitude that I entered another half marathon in September. I worked out a training program with my personal trainer, Nikki Wakerley which also included a long run with the Saturday Sisters and some speed training.
Training was going well and I felt no different in fitness to any other time I had prepared for a run so felt quietly confident going into the event.
Well that all changed on Sunday and to make matters worse, I had entered my grandchildren into the 1km run so they were there to cheer me on in my event!
I crashed and burned in the run. My body was not my body and was rebelling the whole way. I couldn’t understand what was happening and at the 5km mark didn’t really know how I was going to finish the 21kms.
I have run in a full marathon and several half marathons so the distance was nothing new. However, this time I struggled so much and ran the worst time ever, although I did manage to finish. It certainly brought me back to reality and I was devastated at the time and I have to admit embarrassed that my grandchildren were there to see the worst run of my running life.
I struggled to drive home and was physically sick so I’m sure this had something to do with my lack of performance.
I also had texts from family, friends and my PT asking how I went and I have to say my pride did take a fall.
Sue, the one who always achieves what she sets out to do – didn’t this time.
Sue, the person who is always trying to motivate and encourage others – couldn’t motivate herself this time.
My daughter, Rachel, understands me so well and knew I would be ‘beating myself up’ about it. I was at first, however her beautiful encouraging words and those of my supportive P.T. Nikki and Saturday Sisters reminded me that I am NOT A FAILURE and they love and admire me for who I am.
For the first time, I am not beating myself up about the result. I am accepting the fact that on this occasion I just didn’t perform well. It doesn’t mean I won’t run again but it also means that in the end it isn’t the Olympics and it really doesn’t matter. I gave it my best shot on the day which wasn’t enough.
I wanted to write this post because sometimes we all feel disappointed in ourselves and feel we are failures. The new mother who feels overwhelmed with this new responsibility, the person who is looking for work and keeps getting knocked back, the person who has been made redundant, these are just some examples of how we can feel a failure even though that might not be the case.
We need to realise that although we might not have success on occasion it doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. We can be so hard on ourselves and set such high expectations of ourselves that it can adversely affect us if we don’t reach them.
As long as you know you have tried your best at the time then that is all you can expect of yourself.
[bctt tweet=”If you give your best at any given time then that should be enough”]
My point is that life does not always go to plan and we do fail sometimes. However, we can cut ourselves some slack and then as the song says ‘pick ourselves up dust ourselves off and start all over again!’
[bctt tweet=”I might have failed this time but I’m not a failure!”]
I know this was one setback and perhaps my body was telling me something and I should read my own blog about Why It is important to have fitness recovery days. However, I will be back running and enjoying exercise as that is who I am, perhaps I will just be a little kinder to myself.
P.S. There is still part of me that is embarassed to write about my experience but let’s not dwell on that.
Let’s Keep Sizzling