Discover Yourself

What I want and letting go of what I don’t

October 28, 2018
What I want and letting go of what I don't

‘I want this’ is the prompt for ‘Life this Week’ with Denyse Whelan.  So I’m sitting at my computer thinking about what I want in particular and quite frankly, I’ve drawn a blank.  However, if you keep reading you will see that I did discover one thing I want.

I have the obvious desires such as:-

  • being surrounded by my loving family and friends,
  • good health and fitness to enable me to keep active
  • spending quality time with my husband,
  • exploring the world through travel
  • people to show each other love, kindness and compassion
  • contentment
  • being a role model for my children and grandchildren
  • and generally enjoying life.

I’m sure you would probably all have some of these on your list of what you would want in life.

I’m also so grateful and feel extremely lucky that I have all of my desires in abundance.

What I want and letting go of what I don’t want in my life

Deciding what we want or desire is much easier than letting go of what we don’t want in our lives.  Letting go takes courage.

So in this post, I’ve decided that my main desire at the moment is to find BALANCE in my life and that means letting go of what I don’t want in order to achieve this balance.

Balance was my word for 2016 and despite knowing what I need to do to find it, it still escapes me, two years later.   Perhaps I will always be a WIP in this area but I can at least start making some changes to improve life and bring some equilibrium back.

I recently returned from a two week cruise of Japan and many of you would have read my post I’m back – 4 personal learnings from my trip to Japan.

During my break, I had time to experience the Japanese culture, but I also had time to reflect on where I am and what I want in life.

There isn’t too much I need to change however, I’ve identified some habits and thoughts that I do need to let go of.  I’ve written about them before and I’m very good at giving advice, but not so good at taking my own advice!

I want to find balance by:

  • Removing the self-imposed pressure and as a friend, Jo Castro from Lifestyle Fifty recently commented, ‘taking the foot off the pedal’ occasionally.  I’ve started this with my break and want to continue feeling relaxed and positive.
  • Taking my own advice and saying ‘no’ when I need to, without feeling guilty.  For someone who likes to do things for others this can be difficult.
  • Keeping my dreams alive and working towards my goals, but not being too concerned if they don’t happen overnight. Accepting that life can sometimes mean changing our plans but that change can be an opportunity rather than a negative.

What I have to let go of isn’t earth shattering but any change can bring challenges.

As I was reflecting, I remembered a post I had previously written for an AtoZ Challenge –  ‘L’ is for Letting Go – Why you need to let go and accept before you can move forward.

In that post, I wrote about 6 benefits of being able to let go, accept and move forward.  One of the most important benefits is the feeling that the load has been lifted when you finally let go.  It can be so liberating.

Do you need to let go of something to get what you want?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you would approach letting go.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be

Let’s Keep Sizzling!

Women Living Well After 50

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  • Reply Leanne | October 28, 2018 at 20:39

    Sue we’re both on such similar journeys! I’m in the process of paring back – letting go of some of the things in my life that have taken over too much of my head space and aren’t giving me the satisfaction I had anticipated. Even blogging is getting pared back – so I’m now working less, and blogging less, and doing less of what doesn’t make my soul smile. I think letting go has a lot to offer and it’s nice that you’re feeling the same way. xx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 29, 2018 at 07:13

      Making your soul smile is beautiful Leanne and that is the perfect way to describe how we feel when we let go. I’m up and down re the blog – ideas come rushing in and then other times I wonder if I should continue. I’m taking a slower pace and actually taking my time to reflect on what I want for 2019. I just can’t let go of blogging yet as I do enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts with my blogging friends and community but I can control how much it controls my life. Have a beautiful week, my friend. xx

      • Reply Leanne | October 31, 2018 at 12:26

        Hi Sue – another MLSTL is up and running – looking forward to sharing it with you and seeing what lovely posts are linked. I’m also really appreciating having a friend who understands the whole “re-thinking” part of this stage of our blogging an life journey xx

        • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:42

          I don’t know where I would be without my BBB to chat to regularly. Thank you for your continuing support and friendship. We have a very special connection xx

  • Reply Molly October 28, 2018 at 23:40

    My biggest problem is saying yes far too often. I say yes because I don’t want to disappoint others. I am such a people-pleaser that I ignore my own needs/wants in favor of being accepted and respected by those around me. It is exhausting and robs me of so much joy.
    I love how Leanne put it: I want to do things that make my soul smile. For me, that means saying yes to me and learning to say no to those things that don’t bring my life peace and joy.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 29, 2018 at 07:14

      That is my problem too, Molly. Since I returned from my holiday I have been so busy! However, I’m taking charge and not over committing myself and that is a positive start. I like to please others and help them but I also need to ‘make my soul smile’ as Leanne so aptly put it. Have a beautiful week xx

  • Reply Janet Mary Cobb October 29, 2018 at 00:42

    Sue – I appreciate that you want balance and so you’ll let go of things that throw it out of whack. The image of a see-saw (teeter-totter) comes to mind. I’ve found that not trying to figure it all out but allowing for serendipity and synchronicity gives me the opportunity to enjoy life. This means that I need to let go of control – over my time, my finances, my to-do list. I still have ideas for how to manage all of these – but I try to let go of the need to control how they come to fruition. Not sure I’m making sense.

  • Reply Trisha Faye October 29, 2018 at 04:47

    Excellent post on something that is such a difficult lesson to learn in life. I think we’re all a WIP when it comes to this issue!

  • Reply Natalie October 29, 2018 at 10:43

    Hi Sue – I view letting go of things that no longer serve me well as making room for more clarity, more space, and/ or meaningful experiences. I’m intentional about how I use my time. It’s been wonderful.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 17:00

      Hi Natalie, such wise words from you and I will certainly be trying to follow your example. Have a beautiful week. xx

  • Reply Donna October 29, 2018 at 11:00

    Hi, Sue – You are very wise. Knowing what we want is often much easier than letting go of what we don’t. I agree that this is usually a WIP for most of us. Your recent posts tell me that you are well on your way to letting go and fine-tuning the adjustments that are right for you at this point in time. I greatly look forward to reading more.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:59

      I have to thank you Donna for showing me that you can take a break, let go of things that are stopping you from being happy and also just go with the flows sometimes. Thank you again xx

  • Reply Min @ Write of the Middle October 29, 2018 at 12:33

    We have many things in common Sue including the self-imposed pressure we put on ourselves. I’m a perfectionist though not quite as bad as I used to be. However, it can still make life difficult for me. I’m always seeking the right balance for me – to feel well and happy and fulfilled – but have yet to get it exactly right. It’s because of this perfectionism and pressure I put on myself. Always a work in progress I am! 😉 xo

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:58

      I agree Min we are alike and I’m sure we aren’t alone in being the way we are. I think it is encouraging to discuss how we feel with others so that we can learn from them and hopefully they can learn from us. I don’t think there is a problem with being a WIP as long as we are making some progress. 🙂

  • Reply Vanessa October 29, 2018 at 18:38

    I struggle with small wants – my mother in law hates buying birthday gifts for me haha. I know big wants like (maybe possibly somehow one day) buying a house, but other than that, I don’t have many tangible small wants. There are other things for me like reducing my commute that would add so much more to my life than a thing.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:57

      I think we do get to a point in our life when we don’t really need anything and if we do we usually buy it for ourselves. Reflecting on what we want which isn’t necessarily material items is much more enriching for our lives.

  • Reply cherie October 29, 2018 at 19:47

    I have been working on letting go of the notion that I am defined by being a nurse, or any job really. I have been struggling to come to terms with this since my move abroad. Although I LOVE being a house wife, I struggle to feel like this is as important as when I was a nurse. My family has been VERY supportive, both my husband and my daughter love having me home. I just need to let go of the idea that my self worth came from a job…it didn’t.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:55

      I went through exactly the same scenario, Cherie when I left work to retire. I had been defined by my job and role of mother that I had lost who I was. I know you will find YOU and recognise how special you are. xx

  • Reply Debbie October 29, 2018 at 19:52

    I just love this quote Sue – Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. It is so true and I’m glad you had a break and time away from everything to reflect on what you want to keep and what to let go. Your sensible approach makes me smile!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:54

      I’m so pleased I make you smile Deb! I loved that quote too, accepting can be hard but once we do life seems so much easier. xx

  • Reply The Widow Badass October 29, 2018 at 23:35

    Hi Sue,

    I agree with other commenters that we are all WIP when it comes to balance. We might have it for a day, week or moment, and then life rushes at us with its demands and we are out of our balance again. I love the quote about letting go and acceptance. Good to keep at the forefront. Sometimes acceptance is the only and correct response needed. Probably more than we want to admit. 😉

    Thank you for this post.


    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:53

      I loved that quote too Deb and I think we all struggle with acceptance. However, once we do it is like a weight has been lifted. Have a beautiful week and it is lovely to be back. x

  • Reply Leslie Clingan October 30, 2018 at 07:10

    I am so glad you went on that trip to Japan. I was worried about how fast and furiously you were blogging, and starting new adventures, too. Makes me happy to know you are going to pace yourself a bit more. Finding balance is so hard but allowing YOU to be a priority is the beginning. Big hugs!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:52

      Thanks Cuz and yes it was really what Mike and I needed. I love blogging but I’ve realised I can still maintain my connections at a slower pace. xx

  • Reply Sydney Shop Girl October 30, 2018 at 13:15

    Wise words again, this week, Sue and once more, work I need to action in my own life. To let go of things to make room for what I want. It hasn’t just been the letting go of physical things that I’ve been trying to work on but also thoughts in my head to make way for more positivity and time to just breathe.
    SSG xxx

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:51

      I’m the same SSG, letting go of the thoughts and not letting them take over to the point where you really can’t think clearly is not easy but I’m trying and doing better than I expected. xx

  • Reply Christie Hawkes October 31, 2018 at 07:36

    You’ve given me much to think about, Sue. I’ve been working on giving up the obsessive need to plan and trying to control things that are outside of my control, and especially the need for constant “productivity.” Recently, I’ve been starting my morning meditations with this mantra: No where to go. Nothing to do. No one to be. What a novel idea that for 10 minutes I can just breathe, just be. As I get nearer to retirement, I imagine there will be more things I want to let go of in order to embrace new things. #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:50

      That is an excellent mantra, Christie and one I might borrow. I can’t say how much better I feel after this holiday because I did take a complete break. I like to be constantly productive but I’m learning that it is truly okay and important to take time out and just read a book. xx

  • Reply Donna McNicol October 31, 2018 at 09:14

    Finding balance can be so difficult no matter where we are in our life. I’ve been on the lazy side for a bit, now November looks to be a whirlwind. Hope you can find your balance!

    #MLSTL visitor (shared on SM)

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:48

      Thanks Donna. I find that life goes in circles sometimes it is quiet and then other times I’m on a roller coaster. I would just like to find a happy medium. x

  • Reply Patrick Weseman October 31, 2018 at 11:34

    Very beautiful. Accepting is a big part of life and many don’t want to, it is something that I believe in. #MLSTL

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:45

      Thank you Patrick and I’m glad to be back at #MLSTL again feeling relaxed and restored.

  • Reply Denyse Whelan October 31, 2018 at 16:34

    That is just lovely to read, I am glad the time away, with your husband and in a different setting and culture helped you think things like this through. I say “good on you”.

    Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt is Share Your Snaps. Denyse

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:40

      Thanks Denyse, I really did make the most of my time away reflecting and enjoying time with Mike. This year has been a difficult one for us but looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn’t a train LOL:) xx

  • Reply Jennifer Jones October 31, 2018 at 16:38

    There is much food for thought and reflection in this post Sue. I’m sure it’s a constant struggle to achieve Balance. But it’s a good thing to notice when ‘life’ gets out of kilter. I’ve given this topic some thought and as yet haven’t come up with something I want. Except a house sitter. We desperately need a kind person to take care of our animals so we can have a few short break s. Need to start working on this. Thanks for the trigger #MLSTL Shared on SM

    • Reply Sue Loncaric October 31, 2018 at 16:39

      I wish I lived closer Jennifer! I’m always a WIP in trying to find the balance in life but at least if I try I can achieve it sometimes before life throws another curve ball. Thanks for sharing and it is lovely to be back at #MLSTL after my break. xx

  • Reply Amy October 31, 2018 at 23:45

    Yes, I would say my goals/desires are the same as yours. I can’t think of anything I need to let go of. I’ve learned to say “no” now that I’m in my mid-fifties. I think it takes life experience to learn to say ‘no’. I had a hard time with that most of my life.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 1, 2018 at 08:39

      Good for you Amy to have conquered the ability to say ‘No’. I’m improving but still find it difficult sometimes. Have a beautiful week and thanks for stopping by xx

  • Reply Johanna Castro November 1, 2018 at 14:19

    Very similar to you Sue in many respects about paring down. Not giving up, but just being more conscious of the things I take on and why, and aware that my value structure has changed especially over the last 5 years or so. We have slightly downsized, we only have one car, and we want less, as in ‘stuff’, but more quality time with family, friends and each other. Yes, I fully relate to all the things you raise in this post. Shared on SM 🙂

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:05

      Thanks Jo. You do seem to enjoy your life while combining some work in your life. I think we do get to the stage where material things just aren’t as important and that can be quite liberating. Thank you for sharing and visiting to leave a comment. xx

  • Reply Christine Field November 1, 2018 at 22:39

    Love this discussion! I am letting go of disappointment and failed expectations as I meet each day, each challenge with a sense of excitement and anticipation. I’m done with negative people and negative situations. Making the 60s sizzle, my friend!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 3, 2018 at 05:06

      Love your positivity, Christine and you keep right on Sizzling! Negative people and situations aren’t worth the effort are they? I can feel your enthusiasm for life! Have a beautiful week xx

  • Reply 1010ParkPlace November 4, 2018 at 01:23

    Sue, What you want to let go of IS EARTH SHATTERING TO YOU! It often takes a battle of wills to change our ways and look at things through a new lens. Don’t be so hard on yourself or feel guilty about saying “No” to those things that won’t serve you… or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes others just busy themselves and want us to be part of that caravan. You won’t rock their world if you say NO. Oprah’s always said, “No” is a complete sentence. Don’t feel pressured to offer any explanation. Just say, “Thanks so much, but I can’t. Maybe next time.” Brenda

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 4, 2018 at 07:38

      Thank you Brenda I love that quote from Oprah because I always feel like I need to give a reason or explain why I have to say ‘No’ at the time. Letting go, as I said takes courage but it life sure feels better when we do. Thanks for visiting and have a beautiful week 🙂

  • Reply Joanne Sisco November 5, 2018 at 07:24

    My need for letting go looks very different from your’s. Mine is more along the line of letting go of sugar or the tendency to take everything personally and walking around with a vague sense of hurt all the time.

    Whatever our version of letting go looks like, it’s really hard to do … nearly impossible actually. Everyday is a new challenge and a new attempt at getting it right.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 6, 2018 at 06:46

      Hi Joanne, as you say, everyone has their own version of letting go and I think it is difficult. Baby steps builds confidence and once we let go we certainly feel so much better. I’m sure you can do it, but I’m sorry to hear that you have a sense of hurt. I’m sending you a virtual hug and hope you have a beautiful day. xx

  • Reply Roseann Hampton November 7, 2018 at 11:32

    I think I’ve mentioned this before but saying no has become very important in my life with autoimmune disease. There are many times I would love to say yes but I know doing so will put my health in jeopardy. If I want to function on a day to day basis, I really have to pick and choose which things I say yes to! Thanks for sharing with us at The Blogger’s Pit Stop!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 8, 2018 at 07:36

      Hi Roseann, I suppose your condition certainly puts things into perspective doesn’t it? Thank you for the Blogger’s Pit Stop and for stopping by to comment. I hope you have a beautiful week. xx

  • Reply Terri Webster Schrandt November 13, 2018 at 07:22

    I’m so glad your blogging break while you traveled has provided a new perspective on your busy-ness, Sue! Sometimes we as bloggers get caught up in the “I should” world and we can be our own worst enemies! While I admire those who can blog/write every day, I know that I can’t sustain that, not can most people! Less time online is really where life resides! You always have great insights and as I prepare for our winter roadtrip, I am already thinking of what I might learn, and definitely plan on taking loads of pics!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 15, 2018 at 13:54

      Oh I can’t wait for your winter roadtrip, Terri. Where are you going? It was so liberating taking a break from the blog and really immersing myself in our travels. Have a great trip and I look forward to seeing your photos. xx

  • Reply Joanne Sisco November 21, 2018 at 23:10

    This is a very timely post as Christmas approaches and the retailers, with all their associated advertising, are filled with “must-have things to enhance our lives”. The idea of focusing on what we don’t want and letting go of it is a different twist. It reminds me of that quote about letting go of the stuff we don’t want to make room in our lives for more of what we do want. That includes the intangibles.

    I think I read this post at a time that’s very meaningful for me. Thanks ?

    • Reply Sue Loncaric November 22, 2018 at 07:42

      I’m so glad you found the post meaningful, Jo and thank you for visiting to leave a comment. I’ve decided that Christmas is so materialistic now that during December I’m setting myself a little challenge to find happiness in each day. I’ll be writing about it next week. Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your festivities. xx

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