Discover Yourself

How Learning To Love Yourself Will Make You A Better Person

October 30, 2015

Why do most women feel that we are never good enough?  If we can’t like and love ourselves how can we reach our full potential and be the best we can be?

Learning to love yourself will make you a better person for not only you but your family and friends.  As the words of the famous Whitney Houston song goes ‘learning to love yourself, is the greatest gift of all’.

I have met some beautiful and capable women who just can’t see themselves as others do.

For example, I sent a message of support to a fellow blogger who is a friend of mine.  I wanted her to know that I am thoroughly enjoying her blog and felt that she had really stepped up a level in her writing skills, images and topics she chose to write about.

I look forward to her posts as they are in my niche and  it is nice to read about other midlife women and how they are handling this new phase in their lives.

Her reaction was to be grateful but also to say that she ‘didn’t think she would be as good as I was’.  Now that floored me because I felt the same about her!

See, we are both midlife women who obviously don’t realize and appreciate our potential and how others view us.

I know I have always been self-critical – my worst critic!  I’ve struggled with body issues and not feeling beautiful enough, lack of self-confidence and always trying to please others at my own expense sometimes.

I have this innate feeling that I have to give 150% all the time to prove myself, hiding my fears behind a cheery smile or positive attitude and this can get pretty tiring.  You start to miss out on life because you are trying too hard.

However, I have also noticed over the last year or so that I am changing – slowly – but still changing.  In fact, my husband mentioned to our P.T. a few weeks ago that I had changed and I was more confident in standing up for myself when I needed to.

I think it is because I’m actually starting to ACCEPT & LIKE the person I am. I’m starting to believe and accept the complimentary comments I receive with grace instead of thinking that people are ‘just saying that to be kind’.

I am taking the time to learn about who I am and what I want out of life and writing this blog has certainly helped.  When I write, it is from the heart or experience and so I’m actually taking my own advice and making the changes I need to be happy.

Life is too short to always be feeling self-doubt.

“We need to embrace who we are and accept who we are.” 

If you don’t like who you are – then do something about it!  Really at the end of the day it is up to us as individuals to make changes in our lives to reach our potential.  We owe it to ourselves and our families.

I read a post by Murielle Marie   a mentor, coach and writer called ‘What does it mean to really love yourself?’ and it started me thinking about what we need to do to be happy with ourselves and have self-love.

Here are 6 ways to can start learning to love yourself

1. Find a mantra

Think of a positive affirmation that you can repeat to yourself everyday.  Building a base of confidence means we have to keep repeating to ourselves what others like about us.  If we keep thinking about these positive messages we will slowly start to believe them.

What is one positive thing someone has told you recently?  Use that to start building your confidence base.

2. Have ‘Me’ time

For many of us we have led hectic lives.  We just aren’t defined by one thing but sometimes several – wife/partner, mother, work colleague, student.

We are now at a stage in our lives when we can take a step back and increase our ‘Me time’.  Sometimes we need to be selfish and put ourselves first.  That doesn’t mean we don’t love our partner or children it means that we are starting to love ourselves and realise our true worth.

Read my post Why We Need To be Selfish – Sometimes which explains why putting ourselves first sometimes is not a bad thing and makes us better people.

3. Write down 10 positive things about yourself

Think about yourself as a different person and objectively write 10 positive things about yourself.  What do you like about you?  What do others say that is positive about you?  If you step away from the ‘self-critic’ for a moment and really look at who you are you will see the positives.  It could be a gentle soul, you may have beautiful eyes.

Don't be afraid to appreciate your physical attributes they are part of what makes YOU who you are.Click To Tweet

Beauty isn’t just physical it is born from the self-confidence within.  How many times have you seen someone walk into a room and just have a presence.  They may not be particularly beautiful in the physical sense, but their self-confidence shines through.

4. List what you love about your life

I recently took a writing challenge to list ‘Reflect on 99 Things I Love’  when I started I wasn’t sure I could list that many but by the time I had finished I realised I could have kept going.

The lesson I learned from this challenge was that there is so much to be grateful for in my life and so much to be appreciate that having self-doubt is a waste of energy.

5. Accept the things you cannot change

Okay so you aren’t a supermodel and never will be.  You aren’t going to be the first female president of the USA – so what.

There will always be parts of ourselves that we don’t like and we have two options.  We can do something about it to CHANGE what we don’t like or we have to ACCEPT it and make peace with our inner voice.

6. Go and do it!

Is there something you have always wanted to do but were afraid to try?  Go and do it! Sure, you have the fear that you might fail but the feeling of ‘what if’ is so much worse.

Ask yourself two questions:

‘What is the worst that can happen?’  or

‘What will you achieve if you do try?’

It is time to start believing in ourselves and start living a positive and happy life loving who we are without the shackles of self-criticism and self-doubt.

You can do it and how much better will you feel when you do?

“Be the type of person you want to meet” quote

This post was written for #FridayReflections – the prompt was write about your first love.


#WAYWOW linkup

Women Living Well After 50

Living Life Your Way

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  • Reply Mary October 31, 2015 at 02:07

    Well done Sue! Great advice!

    • Reply sue October 31, 2015 at 16:07

      Thank you Mary, I appreciate your comments. Have a great week!

  • Reply Murielle Marie October 31, 2015 at 09:38

    Beautiful article Sue. And thank you for the mention <3

    • Reply sue October 31, 2015 at 16:08

      Thank you Murielle. I hoped you wouldn’t mind me mentioning you and your website which I discovered last week. We both have a lot in common and I enjoyed reading your posts. Thank you for stopping by to comment.

  • Reply Leanne@crestingthehill October 31, 2015 at 12:38

    gee I wonder who that woman was who had self esteem issues?? 😛 It is definitely something that I have been working on too Sue – I don’t remember ever being told good stuff about myself when I was growing up and it takes a lot of conscious effort to turn that around. Blogging and lovely women like yourself have helped me make huge inroads into realizing my self worth and letting myself enjoy my journey more – now I just have to find my “mantra” – I think there’s a blog post in that! xx

    • Reply sue October 31, 2015 at 16:09

      Yes I wonder too Leanne? LOL:) I’ve always had problems with self esteem issues but I think we are both changing and I think that blogging has helped both of us. Have a great week!

  • Reply Runwright October 31, 2015 at 13:50

    I found your blog via the Food & Fitness linkup and although I’m still in my 30s, I find your blog interesting and am going to follow you now. A few years ago, I bought a book called The Mona Lisa Stratagem because as I was getting older, I felt like my best years were behind me and I was mourning the loss of my youth. However, the premise of the book was on celebrating age, not just youth and it really opened my eyes to the possibilities and the beauty of aging gracefully and embracing the experience.
    There are lots of issues I want to fix in myself but a few days ago, I wrote a post about some things I love too so I loved seeing that you wrote a list of 99 things. I stopped at 17. You can see my list at
    I hope you’ll check me out and follow me too.

    • Reply sue October 31, 2015 at 16:12

      Oh thank you for your lovely comments and I hope you enjoy my blog. I looked at your list and love the one about the perfect-sized handbags and butterscotch! I must check out the Mona Lisa Stratagem book it sounds interesting and just what I would enjoy reading. Looking forward to hearing from you again, have a great weekend!

  • Reply Mackenzie Glanville November 2, 2015 at 12:30

    It seems no matter what age we are we struggle to love ourselves, as a teen I didn’t love my body, in my 20’s I didn’t love my mind, 30’s I have struggled to be at peace with myself. Some days are so hard and my confidence and self-love is low, other days I feel amazing and confident. I love your last quote!! I will try to be the type of person I would want to meet xx Great thoughts Sue, thanks for sharing with us #Fridayreflections

    • Reply sue November 2, 2015 at 15:16

      Yes these feelings are so common Mackenzie and I’m like you – some days are good other days I doubt myself in everyway. Thanks for stopping by to comment and I’m glad you liked the quote.

      • Reply Mackenzie Glanville November 3, 2015 at 17:24

        Thank you for linking this up with my #mg linky, means a lot, I loved this post!

        • Reply sue November 4, 2015 at 07:49

          Thanks Mackenzie I’ll keep an eye out for it each week! Love working with you.

  • Reply Helena November 4, 2015 at 05:31

    We grow up in a world where we are criticised for our work, which in turn has an impact on us for better or worse. It’s true we should love ourselves but to be our constant cheerleaders can be hard. We are taught to think of others before ourselves, while at the same time make sure our aeroplane mask is fixed before that of another. The world is mixed up and confusing yet beautiful. #mg

    • Reply sue November 4, 2015 at 07:50

      Oh Helena you make some really good points here, especially the aeroplane mask example. We have to keep trying though as we are a person in our own right and deserve to feel great about ourselves. Thanks for stopping by from #mg to comment and have a great week!

  • Reply Nikki Frank-Hamilton November 4, 2015 at 15:25

    This is a great post, one we women certainly need to pay attention to! Especially if we want our daughters to be strong and have our son’s appreciate a strong woman. I did not realize any of this, and I’m sure I didn’t like or respect myself. But since I’ve gotten sick I’ve had to accept the life i have and learn how to utilize the time I have in the best ways for me and my limitations. I have begun to like myself more and my strengths. My world has gotten very small and it saddened me, until I decided that if this is what I have I need to do the best with it. And now I have found more peace in that and I am appreciating my skills more. Crazy that it took a stroke at 45 and a life long disease for me to find “me”. LOL I advise readers utilizing your tips, it’s a much better way to find yourself than the way I did!

  • Reply Maureen November 6, 2015 at 19:08

    This is such an important message that everyone must read!
    I struggle with this pretty much my whole life and slowly, I am changing that inner dialogues. Over the past year, I’ve been loving myself more. It is a conscious effort and I am still learning too.

    • Reply sue November 7, 2015 at 13:30

      Hello Maureen and thank you for stopping by! Yes it is a constant struggle because we have been thinking the one way for so long it is difficult to get a new mindset. I’m sure you will continue to learn – that is what life is about continuing to learn and improve where we can. Have a lovely weekend.

  • Reply Life Loving November 10, 2015 at 07:59

    I love this post Sue. It’s such a shame people go through life and waste it looking at what they haven’t got or what they want to be, rather than embracing the person you are. I know everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like (I mean really, who doesn’t) but that starts to out-weigh all the good things, what are you left with? You’ve got it spot on and well done you for loving yourself. I’m still working on that part, but really I expect everyone is at varying levels.

    Thanks for joining in at #LifeLovingLinkie and sharing such a powerful post. Yes please keep sizzling!
    Sally @ LifeLoving

    • Reply sue November 10, 2015 at 11:48

      Well I still have my days but I think if you can try to be positive about yourself most of the time you will enjoy life so much more. I will keep Sizzling and thank you Sally for stopping by to comment and also for the linkie I will be back next week!

  • Reply Jennifer November 10, 2015 at 14:16

    Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Because we know ourselves most intimately, it makes it difficult for us to love ourselves. We know our thoughts and feelings. This is definitely a work in progress for me. Thank you for your wonderful post. I look forward to seeing if you win #ThePinterestGame. ~Jennifer

    • Reply sue November 11, 2015 at 08:09

      I totally agree Jennifer and I’m only just starting to feel good about myself after 58 years of life! Thank you for stopping by to comment and I’m touched that you thought it was a wonderful post. Have a lovely day!

  • Reply Gina January 16, 2016 at 11:18

    Sue, this is such a phenomenal post! You have it exactly right!! I’ve been struggling with this self-doubt and my inner critic my whole life. I only came to realize how much it had affected me in the last year. It really does hold you back and it’s exhausting to try so hard all the time. The tips you listed are so perfect! In the past few months I’ve tried to do more of them as I read more on the topic of self-care. One particular book that I wrote about on my blog was The Artist’s Way. It mentions positive affirmations a lot and also “me time.” I hadn’t really thought about reflecting on what I love about my life. I really like that idea and might have to make a list of my own. 🙂

    • Reply Sue Loncaric January 18, 2016 at 12:20

      Hi Gina, yes it has taken me a very long time to come to terms with who I am as a person and being happy with that. ‘Me time’ is just so under-rated and I think a must in our busy lives. Thanks for stopping by to comment and have a lovely day.

  • Reply Ashley Tukiainen February 18, 2016 at 05:25

    This is a fabulous post!! I absolutely love the message and positivity and I do fully believe it is one of the most important things a person can do for themselves. You are a lady after my own heart!
    Thanks for joining us at From The Archives Friday, you are one of our featured favorites for this coming party!!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric February 19, 2016 at 06:36

      Oh thank you Ashley and I’m so pleased you enjoyed the post!! It really is up to us to make changes in our lives even if it is hard sometimes. It has taken me quite a long time to actually ‘love’ myself but it certainly feels good! Thanks for the link up and have a great day!

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  • Reply gigi May 3, 2016 at 02:29

    You have such a way with words Sue! I am so curious about your list of 99 Things! Even though I feel like I appreciate pretty much everything in my life,…99 does seem like a lot to list! What a great post Sue! Thank you!

    • Reply Sue Loncaric May 3, 2016 at 09:38

      You need to read it Gigi! I thought I wouldn’t be able to write more than 10 but it is surprising once you start what you can come up with.!

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  • Reply Jenny July 8, 2017 at 12:07

    Wow! I SO needed to read this post. I relate – in fact, it seems like you are writing about my life. I appreciate your words of wisdom and will really reflect on them and try to take on this challenge as well. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Reply Sue Loncaric July 10, 2017 at 15:24

      Well you have made my day Jenny and I’m glad that the post we a welcome read for you. Have a beautiful week and enjoy xx

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