What is the #1 reason why we fail to make positive changes in our life? Keep reading and I’ll reveal the answer and see if you guessed correctly.
#Microsteppingingmay is all about working towards making change happen by taking small steps each day rather than attempting to scale the mountain in one leap.
Making changes in our life can be daunting and there will be times when we just can’t do it. We fail and then fall into a loop of trying, failing, giving up, trying, failing giving up, instead of examining what prevented us from succeeding in our goal.
Overcoming Failure
So, what is the #1 reason why we fail?
The answer is YOURSELF.
We are our own saboteurs when it comes to making changes in our life. Sure we can use all the excuses under the sun and blame others for our lack of success. BUT IT IS OUR LIMITING BELIEFS, SELF-DOUBT AND FEAR THAT TRULY HOLDS US BACK
You aren’t alone and it is a normal behavioural response. We are are own worst critic and set the bar usually higher for ourselves than we do for others.
Thoughts, emotions and our beliefs – our Inner World – determine our success in life. They way we think and feel drives us to achieve our goals in all areas of our life.
How then, can we persevere and achieve our life goals and recognise when these goals are not working for us?
Can we have the courage to change course and adapt to a new path?
4 ways to succeed using Emotional Agility
In EMOTIONAL AGILITY: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life Susan David, Ph.D. a renowned psychologist and expert on emotions, happiness, and achievement, draws on more than twenty years of research to show that emotionally agile people are not immune to stresses and setbacks.
Emotionally agile people have the ability to examine and connect with their feelings. They then use this knowledge to adapt, establish their values and make the necessary changes to keep moving positively forward in life.
Emotional agility is a process that enables us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness, and an open mind. The process isn’t about ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s about holding those emotions and thoughts loosely, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to ignite change in your life.
In EMOTIONAL AGILITY, Dr. David shares four key concepts:
Show Up
When faced with difficult thoughts or emotions we tend to want to push them away and over emphasize ‘positive thinking’.
Showing Up means facing our thoughts, emotions and behaviours head on rather than avoiding them. Willingly accepting them and being open to how you are feeling and why.
Step Out
Step Out of yourself and observe your emotions and your thoughts from a distance. Learn to see yourself filled with possibilities rather than feeling everything is preordained.
Walk Your Why
Dr John Demartini in his interview Discovering Your Values and being True to yourself, explains that our core values should be aligned with the life we want not what someone else wants for us.
What does your life demonstrate?
Values are what you place importance on in your life. If you are too busy to do something, then you aren’t placing any value on that area of your life and you need to remove it or make the time for it.
Move On
Make small changes to mindset, motivation and habits that are aligned with your values.
Once you find the balance and you are living your authentic self you feel energised and motivated.
In the link below, Dr David gives more insight into her book and also Emotional Agility.
http://www.susandavid.com/new-index#about-the-book
Do you let self-doubt, fear, anger or your failings limit you and hold you back? What is one step you can take today to change that?
24 Comments
Another great post Sue and one I can certainly relate so well to and have been like that all my life. Thankfully this butterfly is now starting to emerge from the cocoon! It takes a long time to replace negative self talk and beliefs with positive ones. It’s the main reason I am making it my micro stepping for May. Xx
So proud of you Christine. I will be featuring you next week in the weekly Newsletter. You have come so far since I’ve met you so well done! xx
Hi, Sue – Your tips are always so wise and doable. We often overlook important steps like #1, or tell ourselves that we can’t before we even try!
Hi Donna, I’ve been guilty of sabotaging myself because of self-doubt and insecurity. We can overcome those feelings though even if it seems too difficult at the time. Have a beautiful week, my friend. xx
Hi Sue,
Being resilient is so important. Life is not always easy and the ability to shift directions is vital. The one thing I am sure about is the things will change and challenges will arise and we all need to be able to deal effectively and constructively with it.
But I also agree that we are the ones that get in our own way the most…time to look self in mirror and not avoid things!
Hi Nancy, we are stronger than what we give ourselves credit for I believe. It is just a matter of reminding ourselves of our own ability to succeed and looking ourselves square in the eye in the mirror can certainly help. x
What a great post!! I like the saying ‘Failure is delay not defeat.’ I do think ‘showing up’ is a big part of it.
I love your quote Lydia – ‘Failure is delay not defeat’ that is perfect and I’ll be sharing that one for sure. x
Fabulous Sue and we can all learn from your tips. I think resilience is underrated, we need to become more resilient if we’re to move on. But it’s often easier said than done!
Thanks Deb. I don’t think we realise how strong and resilient we are sometimes. It is easier said that done I know but we just need to dig deep and believe in ourselves. Have a great week, my friend. xx
Such a great post Sue. It’s so true that we’re often our biggest enemy when it comes to self sabotage and self doubts. We can get too caught up in our self limiting thoughts. I love the idea of taking a step back and looking at the big picture “observing your emotions and your thoughts from a distance.” and learning to “see ourselves filled with possibilities rather than feeling everything is preordained.” Wise and inspiring words to remember. Have a great week Sue. xx
Thanks Miriam. I liked the idea of taking a step back and observing ourselves as well. It is a good exercise to try. You have a great week too and enjoy! xx
I reckon I could write a book on self-sabotage. Naturally, I jest, but this post has me thinking. I attach emotionally to ideas and patterns and emotions that don’t serve me well. Knowing it is one thing, doing something about it is entirely another – and where my challenge lies. Thanks for another fabulously thought-provoking post.
I’m like you Jo and you are right it isn’t easy to make changes. I’m constantly second guessing myself or wondering if what I’m doing, especially with the blog is worthwhile. I’m so pleased you enjoyed the post and had some take away points you could use. Have a beautiful time in Singapore and Happy Anniversary. xx
I loved this Sue – it’s very in tune with the thought processes I’ve been going through over the last couple of months. For me a lot of it ties in with resillience – being able to take tough stuff on board, work through it , and not let it win. I love that you’re promoting such positive and proactive stuff because it’s something we all need when life throws something interesting into the mix!
I was hoping that some of my latest post would be helpful to you BBB. I know you are going through a huge change and wondering which direction to take. Just remember it will happen especially if you just let it evolve. xx
Oh, you so wise! I think resilience is such an important life skill.
I’m not sure I’m that wise, Sammie but I love to learn and then pass on my learnings to others. Have a great week. xx
I continue to spend time trying to uncover my own self-limiting beliefs because some are so buried in my brain as “life truths” that really are not true. For me awareness is the first step. I’m putting this book on my to-read list….thanks for sharing.
Hi Pat, it isn’t an easy exercise to really dig deep and discover what our self-limiting beliefs are. However, I do believe it is worthwhile as a way for us to be the person we were born to be rather than what others say we should be. I hope you enjoy the book. x
This is a great reminder, Sue. I love the quotes and your summary of the key points. Thank you for sharing. #lifethisweek
Thanks Natalie, I love sharing what I learn to help us all keep growing and becoming our true selves. Have a great week. xx
I am so glad you found Susan David too. I saw her on a Ted Talk last year and her words “spoke to me”. Since then I have the book via Audible and have listened through my prosthodontist visits with my earbuds in. She makes us challenge ourselves and makes sense. We have had a few twitter convos too.
Thanks for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt: 19/51 Contentment Is…13/5/19 I hope you will join in! Denyse
Hi Denyse, I think I will get the self-help books on audio as I find it difficult to keep focused when reading the book. I’m working through it but I have to keep re-reading some parts to make it sink in. x